white flag

 Have you ever felt so much pain in your heart that you were ecstatic at the thought that maybe it was just your bra that was hurting you and not your heart. Have you ever felt so alone, so unnoticed and unnecessary that every breath hurts. And when I say it hurts, what I really mean is that you notice every breath you take. Every time you inhale and exhale you have to make a very active decision to keep on breathing and not just give up existence. And it’s not an easy decision, because every time you decide to breath it just means another moment of pain, another moment YOU chose to endure this pain. This pain that’s not just mental and emotional, but also physical, making your very skin hurt and your body ache. And it just keeps on aching it just keeps on hurting so much that tears aren’t enough, words aren’t enough, and comfort isn’t enough. You’ve tried listening to the advice of friends and moving on, cause they just keep on saying that he didn’t deserve you and there’s plenty of other good guys out there for you, but it’s just not enough. Because every time you’ve tried to move on you can’t. You’re not sure if there’s just something permanently broken inside of you, a gear that needs to be fixed, cause when you think about it you can’t help but know that no matter who else there may be out there, they’re not the same person he is. You won’t feel the same way you did with him, when he was talking to you and you were laying in his arms. You won’t feel the stubble on his face scratch your skin, and the warmth of his hands holding your side and keeping you pulled close to him. All you want is another chance, another chance to make him love you. You would’ve done everything and at the end of it all, it still wouldn’t be enough. Because in the end he’s still going to hold your hand for just a moment and then let it go. He’s gonna let you taste that life and that happiness for just a moment and then take it all away just like that. And it’s not fair, I know. It doesn’t make sense, I know. And it’s not gonna be okay, at least right now it’s not. But maybe someday you won’t feel it, and maybe someday thinking about what could have been won’t be the drug you’re addicted to. And maybe someday everything will feel like summer again. And that’s why you’ve got to keep breathing. Cause at the end of the day your hope is what’s making you hold on. The hope that everything will be okay someday, the hope that the summer sun will keep you warm.