it's only slow motion in your head

"cause i wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdict-less life. am i living it right?" when the whole world's a stranger to you, the age old question breathes life into itself: are you the only one? the mass of individuals have abandoned the beat of their own drum and instead follow the lead of society conducting their every note. although many preach rebellion against the staccato of average everyday life, few actually branch out and follow through with that, and instead just become part of another symphony that all shouts for change while still tapping away to the same rhythm. when you walk a crowded street, are you crowded by people or by thoughts? does it seem at all that the meaninglessness of this life all finds its home in the face of a stranger? does it seem at all like the world around you is a slow motion film but you're the only person sitting in the theatre watching it progress? you think of yourself as the familiar stranger. the person everyone recognizes but can't seem to remember to put a name to. it's a world that moves so slowly that you become a photographer in your own way, relating to the world around you only by snapshotting pictures in your head of how you think everything may possibly be. you write stories in your mind of what the people around you are experiencing in their life, and find solace in the fact that your version is more beautiful and terrible than the original could ever be. you dream of getting on a train that takes you to a place that is nothing like where you are now. a wannabe nomad. a helpless wanderer. and the thing that makes it all beautiful and okay is that you're completely aware of the fact that you are different. that even though you don't make the decisions some do, your decisions are right because they are made in expression of your individualism. you are confident and assured in your choices because you feel yourself to be the only one with a heart that feels in a world where all others are machine. it's a long road to self-discovery. music touches your soul, but so does silence. and you walk the streets at night instead of sleeping because that is when you think the most clearly. that is when you are able to experience a catharsis of your soul that leaves you clean of the worries of 'what if.' that is when the epiphany finally hits you: it's only slow motion in your head.

-m